I had insisted to bring Bryant out on Saturday although he just recovered from his fever and flu. He was super cranky at Sebas house due to insufficient sleep. I brought him into guestroom and tried to coax him to sleep but to no avail! He was throwing his tantrums and crying loudly! Everyone outside was worried but dare not say anything.
Deli came into the room and snatched away Bryant from me! Scolded me for not listening to him by insisting to bring him out. Bryant was crying non-stop and kept on leaning towards me but Deli refused to let me near him. I was close to tears! :( He warned me not to bring Bryant back to my mum's place on Sunday and we were to go home immediately. Suddenly Bryant vomited and I quickly snatched him back! Sebas drove us home and Bryant fell asleep in the car.
Both of us were quiet and ignored each other. MIL cooked us mee hoon soup for dinner. When we were having dinner, he asked me if I have understood his sentence. I stared blankly at my dinner and nodded my head and continued to eat.
He continued to tell me off! Asked me not to spread our home affairs to my good friends. If I am unhappy, I should say it out! Asked me not to act smart. Asked me is it I feel very proud by telling others. I could feel his stare but I chose to ignore and continued to eat. Not getting any reply from me, he stood up and left the kitchen angrily.
I was very upset and couldn't sleep at night. Alot of thoughts went thru' my mind.
"y arent i crying?? i got scolded le"
"do i feel proud tellin others? no im not, so y is he using this word on me? i need a venting out channel.. y i not allowed to do so?"
"am i acting smart? if im really smart, i wont marry him"
"am i happy?? no, im not.. im not me anymore"
"where's old shuping? i got no idea, she's lost"
"do i still love him? i dunno wat does love stands for now.. "
"wat does marriage stands for? to me: marriage stands for a couple to stay thru thick n thin, good n bad health"
"so does my marriage fulfils this criteria? i guess yes coz we went thru my bad health, so wat had happen?"
"will i be happy if im no longer in this marriage? maybe, at least i no need to face ppl i dun like"
"will bryant be happy? bryant will no longer be the same coz family is incomplete"
"shd i stay n persist on for bryant's sake? i really dunno.."
"so does he still loves me? maybe yes, maybe no, maybe he in love with other? he's waiting for me to initiate, i really dunno.. "
"does he really understand me?? sometimes yes, sometimes no, i really dunno.."
"y are there "dunno" answers?? I REALLY DUNNO!"
He was at his usual self yesterday. That's his usual way of handling matters. Pretend nothing has happen. Even he is in the wrong, he will also not apologise. I tried not to talk to him if possible. Answered him when he asked me questions.
The ice was broken when I watched the 9pm Channel U movie. It was saying something funny and I started to laugh for the first time yesterday. He looked at me and smiled "Very funny hor??"
Although we have started to talk to each other, I don't feel the same anymore.
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